Quarterly reports submitted to the FCAAD reveal a startling revelation: Anheuser Busch discarded more product than it managed to sell. This problem exacerbates the existing challenges of slumping sales and plummeting stock prices for the brewing giant.
CEO Joe Barron expressed the difficulty of the situation, particularly when it comes to dumping kegs. The company has to de-pressurize them and transport the contents to a sterile facility, all due to industry codes established during the Obama administration.Adding to the complexity, the law mandates that companies pay a representative from marginalized groups to monitor any activity potentially linked to climate change. This representative must receive compensation equivalent to five times the minimum wage.
As kegs are emptied, they release carbon dioxide, classified as a greenhouse gas, even though it shares the same classification with a more natural source—cow flatulence. Barron humorously noted, “We’re not really sure how the science applies, but we were told the world will end if our beer competes with bovine flatulence.”
This revelation brings a glimmer of satisfaction to those patriots who have been reluctant to let Bud Light off the hook. NOTE: This is borrowed satire
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